If (Programming languages == Superheroes)

They all have their own distinctive style and odd character. Their unique set of traits attract deviants that sometimes form a community who then hold conferences to talk about their deviant ways.

So, one I was wondering if programming languages were superheroes who would they be?

Assembly: Hulk

Assembly fights “close to the metal”.

Like Hulk, its powers really have no limits. But it comes at a heavy cost, you have to do everything yourself. Its power it seems is tied directly to its emotional state.

Hulk Smash

There are no safety nets, the world is not made of rainbows and kittens. Assembly is a lone gun and will carry that heavy burden all day long.

Be very careful and don’t make assembly angry, because when assembly gets angry it will scream “ASSEMBLY CRAAASH” and destroy your computer.

Python: Batman

Saving a City from criminals is not easy, solving crimes created by evil masterminds requires a touch of elegance and sophistication.

Batman Python

With a vast library just an import away, it's not so much programming as merely expressing your will. Let Python handle the details for you.

Python has a dark past too, its real power can never be known, it’s character can never be made public.

It hides itself as “just another scripting language, running on a VM interpreter hybrid wasting expensive CPU cycles..”

PHP: The Joker

Some minds are so twisted, so mangled they were never meant to be understood.

PHP The Joker

Peering into PHP code, is looking directly into the abyss. But once you stare into the darkness that is PHP, the darkness stares back at you.

Some say mixing all concerns (view, logic, mode) all in one place is madness, but maybe PHP is just ahead of the curve?

C++: RoboCop

C in its original form, was a normal hardworking decent language.

But a fateful accident with Object-oriented programming (OOP) and a desire to make it faster, stronger, and harder resulted in C++.

Yes C++ is super shiny but it also created things like protected abstract virtual base.

C++ Robocop

If you can master this shiny machine then amazing power is yours to be commanded. However most just use the hardworking C side of C++.

Ruby: IronMan

Ruby is advanced.

Ruby IronMan

Some say the original Ruby had humble beginnings, made in a cave by a single man called Matz with nothing but simple tools. While it combines the best ideas from other languages it ends up just monkey patching it all together.

Lately, people say Ruby has become shallow and just a big “front”, this is sad because the new generation of kids tend to conflate Ruby with the framework “Ruby On Rails”.

The real question on everyone's mind is can Ruby stand on its own without its web framework?

Lisp: Professor X(avier)

Is code data or is data code?

Do you really need syntax?

When you look deep enough you will find that all languages are connected and can be expressed by an abstract syntax tree (AST). Lisp’s simplicity and metacircular evaluator is nothing short of pure genius that is perhaps only comprehensible on another metaphysical plane of existence.

Professor Xavier Lisp

Lisp wishes to promote the peaceful message that all data and code can co-exist, it stands in a neutral place where it believes it can create harmony by virtue of homoiconicity.

Sadly not everyone understands or appreciates Lisp’s high virtues and instead run away in fear.

QCL: Goku Super Saiyan

The programming language of the future that will take us to all new heights.

Goku Super Saiyan QCL

QCL is a high level, architecture independent programming language for quantum computers, with a syntax derived from classical procedural languages like C or Pascal. This allows for the complete implementation and simulation of quantum algorithms (including classical components) in one consistent formalism.

If you have watched Dragon Ball Z I have no further explaining to do. Just go watch it.

This article was originally published in 2015.

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